The F Buddy. The Booty Call. The Usual Suspect. These come from the clever, if not crass, descriptive terminology we use to describe sexual partners in relationships that don't ask for commitment. Researchers deem that a healthy relationship between two caring partners must include intimacy, contact, sharing and give and take. The sex only relationship can be a shallow self serving alternative. Do we need care about a sex partner? Well the question can also be asked just what is a relationship with people on our sports league team, a drinking buddy, an exercise pal, or a friend we meet often for lunch? Determining a role for that partner is like pigeonholing them into some category. What we are using them for or vice versa, what we lose or gain from their connection to us is based solely on time and availability.
A compatible, loving and nurturing relationship is hard to come by. The adage that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your true Prince still applies to this generation as it had for so many years before. It seems that our disposable society dictates some sort of an inevitability for failure in a relationship, we bail out before the relationship ever takes root. We start to acquire certain personalities and people who fill needs while trying to find the amalgam of them all. In one partner or friend, we find a good cook. One may enjoy or penchant for reading or movies. One may like the outdoors. One may like the indoors. And then we find one that is totally compatible in bed, if not just from the sake of availability.
A compatible sex partner usually doesn't care about the day to day stress of work, family or problems. They may lend an ear, but serve no real purpose in resolving any deep rooted problems. They are a band-aid to an emotional cut, but they will not stop any hemorrhage. They fulfill a physical need, boost an ego and create a diversion which may or may not power the psyche. If it feels good, why not go with it? They were there, right?
A sex only relationship is a wonderful diversion for some, but does not help the partner who is really looking for an honest relationship. Can one really be honest with a new potential admirer when there is a paramour simmering away on the back burner. And does there become a pattern that all failed relationships lead back to the sex only partner? This can't be a healthy routine.
Building trust with the sex only partner is actually a series of games. Truth or dare. Does the sex only partner have others? Are they sexual healthy, if there are others? Would they even tell you if and who the others are?
There is also jealousy involved in a sex only relationship, though most who are involved in such will deny it. Sharing intimacy can become pebbles and boulders to some. One partner lambastes all others who they have dated and the sex only partners share a laugh. The same partner raves about a new love interest on the horizon and the other starts to see the clock on the wall. What was the reward of such a relationship? Good times? Good memories? Another notch on the bedpost.
Why do people seek out sex only relationships? Fear of intimacy. Fear of commitment. Revenge. Jealousy. Sexual compatibility. They may all have a part in it.
Is it wrong to have such a relationship? Some would think so only if the relationship was hurting someone else, another person outside that relationship. Also, if the relationship was steering either of the partners away from seeking a true honest committed relationship. And if for some reason they think they are safe (emotionally and health-wise) by being in such a relationship they go on without seeking complete honesty from the other partner. Call it what it really is a diversion from the real thing. And the only thing real about it is that the person who is usually left feeling emotionally empty is you.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment